Publisher:lthldm Date:2008-07-24
It is love that makes the world go round. And it is also love that has such power to overcome all difficulties. So we say: "Love will find a way." As smile is a facial expression showing pleasure, affection, and friendliness, it is the commonest way to show our good will perfectly without saying anything. A Chinese saying runs: "Never hit a person who is smiling at you." It is a time-proven fact that the smile is a language all its own -- a universal language -- understood by the people of every nation in the world. We may not speak the same tongue as our foreign neighbors, but we smile in the same tongue. We need no interpreter for thus expressing love, happiness, or good will.
One day while shopping in a small town in southern California, it was my misfortune to be approached by a clerk whose personality clashed with mine. He seemed most unfriendly and not at all concerned about my intended purchase. I bought nothing, and marched angrily out of the store. My antagonism toward that clerk and the entire establishment mounted with each step.
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Publisher:lthldm Date:2008-07-24
A man was lost while driving through the country. As he tried to read a map, he accidentally drove off the road into a ditch. Though he wasn't injured, his car was stuck deep in the mud. So the man walked to a nearby farm to ask for help.
"Warwick can get you out of that ditch," said the farmer, pointing to an old mule standing in a field. The man looked at the haggardly mule and looked at the farmer who just stood there repeating, "Yep, old Warwick can do the job." The man figured he had nothing to lose. The two men and Warwick made their way back to the ditch.
The farmer hitched the mule to the car. With a snap of the reins he shouted, "Pull, Fred! Pull, Jack! Pull, Ted! Pull, Warwick!" And the mule pulled the car from the ditch with very little effort.
"Warwick can get you out of that ditch," said the farmer, pointing to an old mule standing in a field. The man looked at the haggardly mule and looked at the farmer who just stood there repeating, "Yep, old Warwick can do the job." The man figured he had nothing to lose. The two men and Warwick made their way back to the ditch.
The farmer hitched the mule to the car. With a snap of the reins he shouted, "Pull, Fred! Pull, Jack! Pull, Ted! Pull, Warwick!" And the mule pulled the car from the ditch with very little effort.
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Publisher:lthldm Date:2008-07-24
I suspect that the most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention. And especially if it's given from the heart. When people are talking, there's no need to do anything but receive them. Just take them in. Listen to what they're saying. Care about it. Most times caring about it is even more important than understanding it. Most of us don't value ourselves or our love enough to know this. It has taken me along time to believe in the power of simple saying, "I'm so sorry," when someone is in pain. And meaning it.
One of my patients told me that when she tried to tell her story people often interrupted to tell her that they once had something just like that happen to them. Then her pain became a story about themselves. Eventually she stopped talking to most people. It was just too lonely. We connect through listening. When we interrupt what someone is saying to let them know that we understand, we move the focus of attention to ourselves. When we listen, they know we care. Many people with cancer can talk about the relief ,of having someone just listen.
I have even learned to respond to someone crying by just listening. In the old days I used to reach for the tissues until I realized that passing a person a tissue may be just another way to shut them down, to take them out of their experience of sadness and grief. Now I just listen. When they have cried all they need to cry, they find me there with them.
One of my patients told me that when she tried to tell her story people often interrupted to tell her that they once had something just like that happen to them. Then her pain became a story about themselves. Eventually she stopped talking to most people. It was just too lonely. We connect through listening. When we interrupt what someone is saying to let them know that we understand, we move the focus of attention to ourselves. When we listen, they know we care. Many people with cancer can talk about the relief ,of having someone just listen.
I have even learned to respond to someone crying by just listening. In the old days I used to reach for the tissues until I realized that passing a person a tissue may be just another way to shut them down, to take them out of their experience of sadness and grief. Now I just listen. When they have cried all they need to cry, they find me there with them.
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