publisher:lthldm Date:2010-08-25
1
What is the longest word in the English language?
SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!"
Submitted by: Kevin Penner
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2
Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.
Submitted by: Kmankoolman
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3
A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky. The Englishman was glad to have a drink.
"Go on," said the Scot, "have another drink."
The Englishman drank gratefully. "But don't you want one, too?" he asked the Scotsman.
"Perhaps," replied the Scotsman, "after the police have gone."
Submitted by: Ugur Yavuzturk
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4
A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.
Submitted by: Anonymous
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5
A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.
Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!
Submitted by: Nick Henry, ESL teacher in Korea
Tags: 英语幽默笑话 , 英语笑话 , english jokes ,
publisher:lthldm Date:2010-08-15
1
Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
2
Two tigers are walking along a jungle trail in single file. The rearmost tiger wanders off the trail for a few minutes, then reappears shortly thereafter. A few moments later, the front tiger feels what seems to be the other tiger's tongue, applied just below his tail. The tiger disapproves of this action, but doesn't want to start anything by bringing it up. Then, the tiger again feels the tongue, again in the same place.
He decides to confront the after tiger, and asks him, "Did you just lick me twice in the butt?"
The other tiger replied, "Yeah, sorry about that. I just ate a lawyer and I was trying to get the taste out of my mouth."
read more...publisher:lthldm Date:2010-08-13
Wednesday night, Howard asked Glenn if he wanted to go fishing and girl-watching that weekend at Santa Fe Lake. “We’ll leave Friday morning and return late Sunday night,” he said. Glenn said he had to clean out his garage, so Howard went by himself.
Howard had also planned to lie around the hotel pool, soak up the sun, read a good book, and look at pretty women in their bathing suits. His own apartment didn't have a pool, so whenever he traveled, he always liked to stay at a place with a pool. But when he arrived at the hotel about noon, he saw that there were no pretty girls at the pool. There were no girls at all. There was nobody at the pool, because the pool was empty. It was being repaired all that week. The staff had “forgotten” to tell Howard this little detail.
Howard called Glenn late Friday night.
“How was the fishing?” Glenn asked.
read more...